I have been blessed with the privilege of becoming a mom to this beautiful, creative, and smart little girl, who has the gift of a sensitive spirit and strong leadership. I’m not being sarcastic here. I am blessed. Completely and undeniably blessed. But there are moments when that little sensitive spirit and those strong leadership qualities really test my inner strength. As cute as this picture is (I mean, really, let’s be honest… this kid is adorable, even when she is teething), this was not a day that I was feeling particularly confident. It was an exhausting, draining, and frustrating day full of teething and sickness. If you’re a parent reading this, I know you get it. This is just a small picture of the journey I have been on since day 1 of Jayden’s life. And although I have been loving this amazing opportunity, there are times when I just want to run into a closet and scream. I want to be the toddler for just a few moments… throw a tantrum on the floor, hit and kick a few random objects, all while I angrily yell several unrecognizable words (or just really, really terrible ones). I just want to throw a fit at God because I can’t seem to understand why in the world He would trust me to be the parent of a such a strong-willed child. I mean… really, God? But sometimes you just have to smile and choose to believe that all will be okay. Yeah, He kind of knows what He’s doing…. and, remarkably so, He actually trusts you. (Although, I do have to admit, it does help to picture yourself acting out like a complete, out-of-control idiot. If anything, it will bring a smile to your face…. and a smile to others if you choose to act it out.)
This is not an unusual scenario for me. These moments of trying to be strong in the midst of chaos, feeling like I’m falling apart on the inside but trying to look confident on the outside… no, they are not new to me. It’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life… and I think many of us do. It’s part of the human experience, really. To wrestle with that inner question, “Do I have what it takes?”. Yes, you do. How do I know? Because the God of the universe created you for this time and this place; to be responsible for the tasks you are and to be surrounded by those who love you. He trusts you with the task at hand. He created you for it. So, if the God of the universe trusts you…. shouldn’t you trust yourself?
I say all this to make the point that the root of our self-confidence is in Him. If, even after failure, we can still look inside and see that He did choose us for this time and He did so believing in us, then we indeed have some sort of self-confidence. But sometimes, a little doubt creeps in… or maybe a lot of doubt. And that really just messes things up because not only are we no longer trusting ourselves, we are choosing to not trust God. And that is a road that leads to many frustrating avenues. I know a little bit about that one and I’m thinking you might, too.
I am not saying that it’s all about us or our confidence in ourselves, for without Him we can do nothing (John 15:5). We only have what it takes when we choose to remain consecrated to Him, and only then can He cause us to produce amazing things. He chose to create us, to love us, and to believe in us. And every day He chooses to pursue a relationship with us simply because He’s God and He wants to. I’m so grateful for that.
So the foundation of it all, really, is to be continuously pursuing a whole-hearted trust in God. That is where I want to be. To fully confide in Him at all times, without a doubt in my mind, so that I can live life to the fullest and experience complete freedom in my relationship with God and others. Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? If this is something that resonates with you, I invite you to join me in this journey of being in strong pursuit of a whole-hearted trust in God, so that you can walk in complete confidence, taking on the task He has given you. He trusts You. But will you choose to trust Him?